Yes, 6 months since my last post!

Well, lots has been going on, namely that Karena and I are getting hitched! We are walking each other down the aisle on November 12th in Portland, Or (hopefully without too much rain)…

There are two reasons we are walking ourselves down the aisle:

1. We are 40 and 42 and it seems silly otherwise – plus I think Karena has issue with the idea of giving your daughter “away”
2. Both of our fathers are not coming to the ceremony – mine because we haven’t spoken since I became pregnant with Oliver 9 years ago, and hers because he believes our marriage is an abomination

We hadn’t known her father felt this way prior to the wedding invitation – indeed we were taming down some of the elements of the ceremony (we have a drag queen as MC!) in case her father might find it too blue.

Prior to the wedding invitation we had visited her father and his wife – even sleeping in the same bed in their home. They loved Oliver and were very kind to me…

In the letter we got as his response to the invitation, he said that he had been hit on once when he was a young man (after he met a man in a hotel bar and invited him back to his room for another drink – we have NO idea how he could have gotten the wrong idea!) and that years later he saw that man again and wanted to “stomp him like a cockroach.” If there hadn’t been other people in the elevator, he would have beaten him up. Because of this incident, being in a place where there were gay people – like a GAY WEDDING – would be repulsive to him. Oh, but he still loved his daughter.

To him, it is OK to react violently against a man whose only fault was finding him attractive. Wow. He went on to say that this was a typical heterosexual male response. That our straight friends must be lying to us, or hiding their emotions.

This made me think how important it is for everyone to be OUT and to demand EQUAL treatment and EQUAL marriage rights – not just for the 1000+ benefits we are denied, but because this level of anger and hatred still exists – sometimes right under our noses! And maybe the best way to know it’s there is to flush it out. To push it into the light. To not be OK with partial equality – but to stand up for what is our right and see then who your true friends and family are.

I am sad, a bit, for Oliver, who really enjoyed fishing with the man who he would have considered his grandfather after the wedding.

I am glad, though, that this breed of heterosexual man is probably dying out. That the new breed is dominated by people like my ex-boyfriends and my friends and my son, who is also our ring bearer and who I hope will be terribly flattered some day if a man finds him attractive!

Hi All- This merry Elk kinda reflects an attitude that I’ve been trying to incorporate into my life: If it’s not fun, then don’t do it.

In a business sense, if something isn’t fun and you have the option (!) – like when you are developing a business plan or work processes or strategies to increase your presence – it seems best to go with the funnest option!

If you don’t want to create a page in Facebook because it is too daunting, don’t do it – find another way that is more fun. If you don’t like blogging, find someone who does. If you dread doing layout or photoshop or XL, ask and see – there might just be someone working with you who secretly loves it! This just happened with me recently on an XLS-driven project. Shockingly, someone LOVES XL and asked only that I draw up a basic plan and she will make it work like the math magic that it can. I teared up.

Here at Dottie’s, none of us think it is fun doing the producer job – finding money, networking, contracts, etc. Perhaps it’s because we don’t have a lot of experience on “high levels” of entertainment negotiation or perhaps we fall too heavily into the creatives category, either way, it isn’t fun and in the end forcing ourselves to do something that isn’t fun means we weren’t doing a very good job.

So we’ve decided to look for “real” producers to catapult Dottie to the next level – World Domination (insert Evil Snicker). Stayed tuned for details of The Quest as they unfold…

Meanwhile, if you are now doing something unavoidable and  unfun, hopefully click on the Elk will help! If not, try bourbon.

Hey there-

I realize so many of my blogs lately have been about the fundraiser… We’ve all spent a while working toward the goals, etc. so it was on my mind! But there have been other things also on my mind lately that I’d like to share, like:

• Whether this seasonal affectation light is making me nauseated
• How to adjust the spring in Oliver’s new pogo stick without losing a finger
• If the neighbors would mind leaving the lights up all year round, especially Portia, our bulimic, lighted reindeer
• When someone will come out with an iphone plan to defeat AT&T’s mind-numbing $122 a month
• Cheese
• What to feature for our next dinner party (the last two featured the peach and the radish)
• Dexter
• The perfect marriage of Roku and Hulu-Plus – making me believe in forever
• How a friend can be taking 50,000 units of Vitamin D (when the typical dose is 1,000-2,000) and not begin to glow-in-the-dark
• Cary Grant doing that backflip in The Perfect Wife – twice

So see, it’s not all-Dottie, all-the-time. Though, I would like also to add this:

We have been working hard here at Dottie’s because we really think the show must go on.

Thank you to everyone who has donated to our Indiegogo campaign so far – every dollar counts (and the first $25 is tax deductible!). We need money to re-do the opening of the DVD, make the CD available on iTunes, pay our accountant and tax folks, keep the website running, send Dottie to performances for non-profits, and (our dream) make more shows – whether in connection with a bigger entity (see: cha-ching) or a funded DIY way.

So please mention us in your blogs or on Facebook or in emails to people… Ask your parents for your Holiday gift to be a donation to Dottie in your kids’ names… Help your kids do a lemonade (or hot cider) stand for Dottie… put a notice in your church bulletin… Recycle for Dottie!

Whatever you can do, we appreciate you doing your part to keep this world a more loving (and fabulous!) place.

Hi All-

Dan Savage started this amazing YouTube project, encouraging people to share videos directed to our GLBTQ youth who are in desperate times. Please share them! Here is one from Tim Gunn who confesses that he tried suicide at 17 (It Gets Better!).

Most of these videos address bullying in school, but often pressure on these kids comes not only from outside the home but from inside. This is where we, as adults, can help.

It is our responsibility to be a safe, soft spot for anyone – particularly young people! – who we see struggling with identity in what may be a very hostile world/home for them.

Look around. If you notice this among your kids’ friends, take a moment to invite them to your house for dinner, make it known that they are always welcome (without needing to say “in case your parents are making life hard for you”).

If you don’t have kids or notice this with someone you don’t know, befriend them – hire them to do lawn work for money and get to know them or just compliment them on how amazing they are (funny, unique, fashionable, strong). Ask them for advice if they seem to have a gift. When you know them better, let them know they will be an amazing man or woman someday. Just be kind.

I had one or two special friends who had wonderful parents that reached out to me in these subtle ways, and it truly helped (thanks Amy, Laura, Colleen, and Lori). It helped me think maybe I wasn’t crazy or bad or evil. More, it let me know I had someone to go if I wanted.

So please spread the It Gets Better videos and take a moment to be nice – even the smallest gesture could change someone’s life.